the end of the month
Written by emma
in november, my fiance and i broke up. it was the end of an on again off again 5 year relationship. often broken by their refusal to get help and fixed by promises to get help that never came. i still call them my fiance though, after all of that. i know we aren't getting back together, and ex-fiance is the appropriate term to use now. i understand that. as bad as things got, as much hardship and struggle they placed me in, i felt they always deserved a chance at getting better. that they could once again be the person i laid next to one night and confessed my love for.
every month, at the end of the month since breaking up. mail arrives at my house for them. it is the type of mail one would want to arrive at their current address, and would be quick to correct the address of if they had moved. it is not my mail to open, the contents are unknown and will stay that way. every month they go back in the mailbox noting that this is the incorrect address for them. every month it is a reminder that they may be unhoused, that they may not be getting help. that they may not be here any more
i'm unsure what to do about this. ending a relationship means grieving, i understand that. how do i make peace with someone possibly not being here any more with out ever knowing that is the case? despite everything bad that happened, they deserved help. they deserved a life of happiness, even though it would no longer be with me. it is easy to say this isn't my concern any more, that it shouldn't have been sooner than later when they could not be trusted to get help. i just can't see it that way. my heart aches at the idea of someone i once cared for never getting the chance to be happy. i'll never know for sure. i was never able to contact them the first time the mail showed up. i never met any of their family or friends
i'm not owed an answer to this, we very rarely get closure to traumatic events in our life. it is instead important that i focus on getting better, and grieving the end of the relationship. hopefully this is just a mistake, maybe they did honestly forget and they are getting help just like i am. that is what i will hope for. i can't know otherwise, so i must hope